If the Broccoli's Bitter, Don't Date Him

I’ll never date another white collar, MBA who drives a nice car, wears polos tucked into perfectly pressed pants, and would rather hail a cab than walk a few blocks in the rain to make a memory.  I want to be inspired. I don’t want the lackluster life of monetary comfort and by-the-book conventionality. I’m after something rugged and unshaven, whose value system isn’t warped by an outdated and unhealthy American dream, who has an eye for simplicity and finds the joy of life there, who’s inquisitive and confident to search, a man who will protect but will also shamelessly love.

Forget men. Maybe I just need a bulldog, a nice loyal, low-maintenance partner that could care less if my hair’s dirty, my t-shirt’s torn, my bike is my major form of transit, and our apartment living means we’ll never have a yard of our own. That’s what public parks are for. Private yards only further degrade community anyway. Let me re-center my thoughts...

When I begin to survey my “tastes” in men, I begin to think more broadly about the use of this word “taste”. I recall once reading this article whose gist was to say: believe your kids when they say they don’t like broccoli, it may in part be because of their genetics.  Apparently as the result of certain genetic configurations, broccoli leaves a bitter resonance on the palates of certain folks. These kids aren’t avoiding the green stuff just to spite mom who practically force feeds it, they are legitimately repulsed. (“Bitter Consequences”, The Economist, Sept. 21, 2006)

Another recent read discussed that among our taste sensations of sweet, salty, bitter and sour, that help us avoid the bad and consume the good, there is another that has been detected yet unarticulated for years. We are drawn to such savory foods as anchovies and parmesan cheese, but don’t have a term for their intrigue. It’s not the fishiness of anchovies one might identify as the source of their irresistibility. Come to find out, these savories have something in them that tip our taste buds off to the presence of protein. So, subconsciously our body is responding to not only the taste sensation but the protein message interpreted from our taste receptors. (“Yum’s the Word”, Psychology Today, August, 2011)

Now, where do we go from here? The trouble of science: it demystifies everything. Now we can take away our child’s responsibility to make good food choices by assenting to the fact that (no matter what) their genes will have the last say. We might assert that we’re preprogrammed to seek protein, and the pleasure of parmesan is part of a biological mechanism to promote survival. My enjoyment is thus secondary, or merely a means. Now, what of my taste in men? Am I powerless to my genetics and my tastes are thus meaningless? Some might say, yes.

I’d like to maintain that my taste in men is an amalgam of factors, a balance of thought and emotion, and not utterly and helplessly reducible to my genes or animal instincts. I’d like to believe my taste is the result of thoughtful assessment and the evaluation of experience, balanced by the butterflies of chemistry and mysteries of love.

If the next time I feel an attraction coming on I think, “Oh, it’ just my biology calling”, I’ll totally take the value out of the person and relegate my own judgments to the level of meaninglessness. If my perceived or assessed tastes in men are merely the illusion of my instincts for the purpose of procreation and progeny, then why listen to them at all? Because they make life enjoyable.

One thing to consider: why force something when it doesn’t taste good? Eating broccoli when your taste buds despise it can result in a host of noxious consequences.  The results could be anywhere from nauseating memories of eating against one’s will, resenting the cook, dietary obstinacy or deviance, psychological damage, or the fear of green. Thus your interaction with your environment and your relationships in it chance indelible damage.

So, your tastes matter on an external, environmental level as well. They don’t just affect whether you get enough protein or secure a mate and ensure the survival of your genes. Even if some clever scientist could reduce my taste in men to the result of animal instincts, there’s a whole external world beyond that of our genetics that these tastes interact with, impact, and are affected by.

In order to be drawn to broccoli, we need to enjoy it. In order to be drawn to a guy, we still need to like him. And if we want to have the gift of love and the blessing of a committed relationship, then we certainly have to find him appealing in a variety of ways. If broccoli tastes bad, don’t force it. Find another veggie that will provide its own value to your diet and appeal to your taste buds. The same goes with one's partner. Figure out what you want. Don’t settle. Don’t force what seems good for you but doesn’t delight your palate. Don’t disregard your specific tastes in men, it’ll save you from (more than) bitterness.